i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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