I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
