piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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