I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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