you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
