We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
