so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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