can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
