At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
