It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
