I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
