to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
