Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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