If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
