you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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