I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
