i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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