Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
jump out the window naked night went bad
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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