Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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