she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
