it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
