some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
