Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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