I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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