It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
