He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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