I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
