I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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