things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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