Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
