ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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