I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
