Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
