So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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