I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
