Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
