The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
