Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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