Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
