Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
