It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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