Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
