Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
