Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
