the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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