someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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