Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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