I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
