ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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