omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
