Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
