A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
