I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
