The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
MIDGETS
????
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
