Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
