weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
