First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
