i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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