I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
