Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
